Leaving home

You always say 'no' to whatever I ask anyway. I remember clearly when I used to ask my mum if I could go out with my friends. I thought my mum was too strict at the time ,but it made sense afterwards . My friends would catch on all sorts of crazy nonsense like drinking ,getting in at clubs and smoking. I did fool around with boys ,but half the time I was too scared to go all the way. 

 I later went off to college and got a taste of how different people interact,the choices I had to make and just having a lot of freedom. I failed my first year as I was not accustomed to All the freedom and parties and boys . My mum had to pay for my second year of repeating my first year . I thought she was just selfish at the time ,but I now realise it was an added expense she did not really budget for and I put a drain on the already stretched finances says she was the only one earning as dad did not seem to hold down any job for long. 

I left as soon as I qualified and went far away. It was not until way later that I could understand and appreciate the value of family. 

Frothy or smooth

How would you like your coffee miss? Could I have a milky chocolate and coffee please .You would like a mocha miss, is that a regular or a large. Oh ,that is what it is called ,yes please ,but no froth on top. My friend orders a milky coffee,or latte as it is called ..she emphasises that it is wet,no froth ,I always thought she was very sophisticated and worldly. As We sit down yet again at one of our Favourite meeting places,I start thinking to myself ,'will today be the day that she just sits down,orders and enjoys what is put in front of her ..' Like clockwork,she orders  ...." A latte please ,wet ,no froth."  We talk about Us,life ,the kids and work. The drinks arrive and as sure as clockwork,she says thanks ,then takes a sip and says it is lukewarm,and skes for it to be re-heated.....a little More...

Toasted white bread

I am working now ,and I am so happy to be working with textiles,clothes and contribute to the never ending cycle of production and rewards and of course tax for the government .

As I always yearned for some  kind of creativity. I can now put time aside for me style and fashion award . I am so excited . I love the feel of the old town and the bustle of tourists ,there is an air of affluence in this part of The city . I watch families dodging their way about the tourists who wander with a childlike slowness to their walk ,stopping and starting to take pictures. Somehow it makes me look at buildings twice and see the marvels of The Christmas shop down the Royal Mile ,where it stays Christmas all year round . I remember buying an advent calendar Santa that lights up each individual wooden box and delighted in the excitement  of  going home, showing the girls 7 years ago!
Edinburgh is beautiful,especially when you go into your work place and your colleague has put the kettle on and is making hot white toast and a cup of tea. There Is something comforting about a piece of white,warm toast with lots of butter melted through it  that makes every Little Argument the girls had earlier in the day, melt away into the usual ness of the day.

Sports clothes

I like waking up an hour before everyone else gets up,it gives me some me-time ,and I read a bible chapter , meditate and just breathe for about 20 minutes.

I like reading the bible as it is about the only thing I am holding onto right now as a lot of my initial views and perceptions about being a Christian got crushed as I began to start thinking for myself .

I like having this time ,everything is still, quiet and there are no distractions . The minute the children's alarms start to buzz,that is it. My youngest daughter bounds into the  room like a happy lemon and starts to stroke my cheek and tells me she loves me and all the time she is trying to get under the covers for a cuddle....I like my kids and I love them,but sometimes I feel that the fact that I squeezed them out from my body, you know where, does not give them automatic possession of my body. I am probably Too much in a slow mode first and then I need more time to process what Basketball  14 year old will throw at me next. Two weeks ago she had a few friends round While I was on my way home from work...it did not bode well....I entered the stairs ,hearing  a lot of screaming and laughter ,as I ascended the stairs to my flat door ,4 teenagers streamed out of my door.
I was trying   to keep an open mind approach ,but it was slowly Fading  as my blood began to bubble faster and faster as I met some more boys exitting my daughter's bedroom....I waited patiently as I did not have all the facts ..... Meanwhile I felt like blowing a gasket or whatever that is supposed to feel like. I Get confused . The eldest is now in letme tell mum I am leaving mode as there are way too many rules here and frankly ,I do not give a ....
The latest request involves asking for sports clothes ,for running ,for the gym and maybe just to look good.
My youngest daughter has joined the local gym programme and loves nice ,bright and colourful clothes and my eldest likes loose , expensive Nike clothes ,consisting mostly of joggers, trainers and big,overgrown looking hoodies. They love looking 'Swag' ,I think it means you look and talk the part . I used to love wearing sports clothes as I was growing up ,Adidas,Reebok,Nike ,Puma and K-Swiss were
the popular ones.
Lately I had to buy  some new gym wear as I started my healthy eating and living plan....I never realised that there were so much more outfits to choose from. I am getting older....okay old....it sounded better ,laughing out loud in my head as the teenagers will give me some ' what is wrong with you look.'

Fruit and veg

Lots of fruit and raw vegetables unlimited on this Juice Plus lifestyle plan,I like to think of it as a change in eating and exercise habits ....as the word diet and I have had a love and hate affair for as long as I can remember ,probably my 15th birthday to be more exact. On my 15th birthday I proudly announced to my mum ," I do not eat meat anymore ,I am vegetarian and I am on a diet ." As you can  imagine ,my mum being a nurse was not having any of that vegetarian malarchey....no tantrums and tiaras for Sophy Canary. I had two pieces of toast ,butter an apple and a banana. Sometimes I had oats or the maize deluxe with butter and sugar my mum made so effortlessly. Lunch was a challenge as most school ships around the area sold hot dogs, fried chicken or a meat curry bunny ( fried fat cake filled with spicy curried mince) and not a rabbit or Bunny fried in curry.Now some of my fellow cousins or friends would have you believe that a curry bunny is a rabbit fried in a curry sauce as the South Africans love to tease and make fun as a general norm.  Dinner times was another challenge as most South African meals contain meat ,either lamb, mutton ,chicken ,sausage or boerewors, offall....I did not like stomach, intestines , but I did like ox tongue.
Enough of that already ,this was a disaster, carrots ,lettuce tomatoes were on offer to me as well as boiled cabbage , honey glazed carrots, gem squash,pumpkin fried or mashed or  fried sweet potatoes ,rice and bread. I developed rather a big hate awith gas and bloatedness, not cool when you are out with your pals and you are desperate to do a silent   fart , but it comes out as loud and violent ...probably more deadly as it could kill someone . Back to JP my friend also Commonly known as Juice Plus, well we are supposed to have these shakes  ( vanilla or chocolate) two snacks with each meal and a healthy meal at night .The good things is the many,  many recipes , shopping lists ,meal ideas and a whole lot of people offering you moral support . I have forgotten how much I love fruit as a single mum , I just grab something quick , A bit of toast and a cup of coffee or cup of tea, or nothing and then when lunchtime gets around you grab a piece of Cake or a handful, of custard creams or whatever sad biscuits have been left as they did not make the popular team in order to get  in someone's stomach.



I really loved food as I was growing up. I have a lot of fond memories of eating avocado sandwiches, pilchard bredie, pickled fish,scrambled eggs with onion and tomatoes through it ,coconut biscuits ,freshly baked scones ,my aunts used to make these huge scones and I used to think  My aunt was a baking fairy as my mum's scones were never that high. My mum made great jam an coconut tarts ,buttermilk bread and the lightest vetkoek ,fat cakes( a doughy bun fried in deep fat ) and the lightest cakes . My cousins and I used yo hang about my granny' s garden and pick figs and guavas
and hang about at the back where no one could see us . Granny would always have boxes of mangoes,peaches ,huge watermelons and orange melons, plums ,apricots ,you name it ! December would be sunny ,everyone in shorts ,summer dresses and sandals ,and grapes , pears, oranges and naartjies ( clementines or satsuma like fruit) would be in season. All these memories really make me reminisce about the lovely tasting fruit and vegetables I somehow did not appreciate as much till I moved abroad .

Spirituality

My mum was a strict Catholic, we were made to pray everyday and every night, mum attended church on Saturdays,Sundays and attended weekly prayer meetings on Wednesdays. I grew up being scared of God and thought I would get struck down or punished if I did something wrong.

I received my first Holy Communion when I was 10 and 16 when I received my Confirmation after sitting a number of classes in preparation. How and what I was supposed to be or do was a bit of a fog,I knew had to go to church once or twice a week ,go to confession once a week or once a month and  help out at church activities. I opted to help out in the youth zone and enjoyed spending time with the youngsters and listening to their thoughts and ideas on how they were going to change things as parents and their lifestyles. It was also here that I learnt to know that One Of my strengths are listening without judging .

I went to Dower Teacher's college After completing Secondary schools I was informed by my mother that I could not go and study Art or Textile Design as they did not have enough money to afford it ,I could study Teaching or Nursing as they were the only two grant aided training provided by the government. I chose teaching as I could  not bare the thought of becoming a nurse as my mum was one .
I did not want to be there and did not attend many classes,I spent it going to the shopping malls,or beach eating ice creams ,having braais(barbecues) and drinking with  the other rebels on campus.
I failed by 1 mark in English as we had to pass both languages.

I had to go back even though I told all my friends I passed...I know big liar hey, it was rather embarrassing to go to all the classes with the new freshmen,
and still see all my friends go to the 2nd Year lectures.
I still had to attend church of course ,the clubs were on Saturday till 2/3:00am so the compromise was, mum said I could go to Saturday evening Mass at 6:30pm and then I could go dancing .
This lasted for as long as I was living in Port Elizabeth and finished teacher training.

I moved away to Fort Beaufort where I got my first teaching job, I lived with a family who attended the United Congregational Church and I attended the Catholic Church. I met a fellow teacher whose dad was the pastor in the Congregational church and started attending that church,then my mum said I still had to attend the Catholic Church, so I went to the Catholic Church first as they started at 8:30am and then attended the Coegregational church at 10:00am and sent for lunch at my friend's house afterwards ,then we would hang out listening to music or go for drives chatting about life ,boys and other stuff.

 I do not feel Comfortable in any church, at  the moment though I still  read my bible and have quiet time with God,whether out of habit or drummed in routine ,I do not know. I know that I have witnessed How good people who made mistakes along the way ,were badly treated by church ministers and members and I oppose those kind of tow-faced standards . I ,personally believe that there has to be a better way forward ,one that does not involve de-humanising individuals because they have somehow made a mistak or a poor choice.
What I do know  is that I believe we are all born good,we have the ability to accept and improve ourselves and others around us ,and that we can all get along .

Food in my life

Growing up in Gelvandale, Port Elizabeth, I can remember my mum as the smell of my favourite food. My mum woke up most days and made porridge, maize meal or mieliemeel cooked over a medium heat at first and then simmering over      a low heat until it was shiny ,then finished off with a dollop of butter and sugar before Serving it to us and watching us tucking in and scoffing it all up.

Sometimes we had sausage ,boerewors ,with a tomato and onions on a hotdog roll as an afternoon meal and my brothers and I would eat it slowly to see who could savour The taste The longest. It was finger licking good.
 I love cakes ,Victorian sponge With jam in the middle and butter icing with a hint of vanilla essence .Last week Sunday I missed my mum's jam tarts so I made some shortcrust pastry ,filled the cases with All Gold's Apricot jam and finished it  with Coconut mixed through with beaten egg whites,sugar ,desiccated Coconut  and vanilla then baking it for twenty minutes in the oven.
Mmmm....I can smell it now As if it was yesterday in my 8 year old sandals, standing  in the kitchen waiting for the tarts to come out of the oven so that my brothers and I can fight over who would get the first one. 
Sunday was the big roast off,chicken,leg of lamb,accompanied by, roast potatoes,  boiled cabbage,with some real butter  and sprinkled with
grated nutmeg, fried and sugared grey sweet potato, cauliflower and cheese, beetroot salad, tomato and onion salad  ,some telephone pudding and custard or baked pears and custard.
This was followed by an afternoon nap and then we would wake up to the smell of mum's baked bread or a cake. They say smells can transport you to happy or sad memories, but these memories fill me with a sense of belonging and happy childhood memories ,because it is a place where I felt safe in the comfort of familiar smells and people. 

My grandmother or ouma as I knew her,made great stews, our version of soul food or food that hit the spot ,my smell for my ouma is baked bean and chicken stew with a reddy- orange colour soaked into the potatoes after the Koo baked beanswere added .